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8. In a person-oriented family, Celeste and David would hear from their parents’ reasons for the desired behaviors that go beyond parents’ rights to command and direct. Children would experience a sense of choice or control. For example, “Which of you would like to help do some of these chores that need to be done?” “David, you might want to empty the dryer and put in those gym clothes of yours that need washing before tomorrow’s game.” “Find a time to write or call Grandmother because I think she gets lonely and sometimes feels unappreciated.”
9. A child raised in a position-oriented family learns that what can be said and done in relation to others depends on the roles one has relative to others, whereas a child raised in a person-oriented family learns that, although role relationships are important, what constitutes appropriate or inappropriate behaviors depends on reasons that transcend role relationships and depends upon the individual nature of each family member. An example of parent attention to these issues follows:
10. Roles are inextricably bound to the communication process. Family roles are developed and maintained through communication. One learns how to assume his or her place within a family from the feedback provided by other family members, such as “I don’t think you should argue in front of the children.” Individuals talk about what they expect from another as they enter a marital relationship. In-laws are verbally or non-verbally informed about what is considered appropriate behavior; children are given direct instructions about being a son or daughter in a particular household. In general, adults tend to use their family-of-origin history as a base from which to negotiate particular mutual roles as they form system; children develop their communicative roles through a combination of their cognitive skills, family experiences, and societal norms and expectations. Young family members in immigrant families sometimes feel role tension when they sense that their parents’ values differ from their desires to be Americanized. Recently arrived immigrants have difficulty assimilating role expectations when their parents fear their children are abandoning the family’s heritage.