Нужен только профессиональный перевод
В прошлом году я поссорился с женой. Она говорила, что я слишком много денег трачу на книги. Я понял, что она права, и пообещал, что больше что больше этого делать не буду. Однако, когда я шел на работу, я увидел очень интересную книгу в киоске. На этой неделе я еще ничего не покупал", - подумал я, - "Если я напишу на этой книге: "За участие в любительском спектакле", жена ничего не скажет. "
- Так ты участвовал в спектакле, - удивилась жена, - Почему я тебя не видела?
- Я держал на плечах балкон для Ромео и Джульетты, - ответил я.
На следующей книге я написал: "С любовью и наилучшими пожеланиями, твой любящий дядя Тед. "
- Что за дядя? , -спросила жена, - Почему я с ним не знакома?
- Бедный, милый дядя, - ответил я - Он дарит мне книги с тех пор, как я научился читать. Он уже двадцать лет живет в Лондоне, и ни разу не выезжал оттуда из-за своего здоровья.
Потом разные писатели начали дарить мне свои книги из любви и уважения ко мне. Однажды я пришел домой с книгой, которую мне подарил Золя. Жена стояла перед зеркалом - на ней было новое платье.
- Ты купила платье? - спросил я.
- Нет, - ответила она, - мне его подарил твой друг.
- Какой друг? - закричал я.
- Тот, который подарил тебе столько книг - Чарльз Диккинс.
Теперь мне стало ясно, почему последнее время у нас были такие плохие обеды.

чувак, у тебя тут жесткие ошибки

Переводчик ‍♀️

Last year I had a fight with his wife. She said I was spending too much money on books. I realized that she was right and promised that more will not do that. However, when I went to work, I saw a very interesting book at the kiosk(magazine). This week I haven't bought," thought I, "If I write on this book: "participation in Amateur performance", the wife will not say anything. " - So you participated in the play - surprised wife - Why I didn't see you?- I kept on the shoulders of the balcony for Romeo and Juliet, ' I replied. The next book I wrote: "With love and best wishes, your loving uncle Ted. "- What uncle? asked the wife, Why I never met him? - Poor, dear uncle, "I responded," He gives me books ever since I learned to read. He has twenty years of living in London, and never went out due to his health.Then, different authors started to give me their books out of love and respect for me. One day I came home with a book I was given by Zola. The wife stood before the mirror in her new dress.- You bought a dress? - I asked. 'No,' she replied, ' I gave it to your friend. - Which one? - I shouted.- The one that gave you so many books - Charles Dickens. It was obvious now why the last time we had such a bad lunch.

Last year I had a fight with my wife. She said that I was spending too much money on books. I realized that she was right, and promised that I would no longer do this anymore. However, when I went to work, I sawvery interesting book in the kiosk. I haven’t bought anything this week, "I thought," If I write on this book: "For participating in an amateur play," my wife will not say anything. "- So you participated in the performance, - the wife was surprised, - Why did I not see you?“I had a balcony for Romeo and Juliet on my shoulders,” I replied.In the next book I wrote: "With love and best wishes, your loving uncle Ted."- What kind of uncle? , asked his wife, - Why am I not acquainted with him?“Poor dear uncle,” I replied, “He has been giving me books since I learned to read.” He has been living in London for twenty years, and he has never left because of his health.Then various writers began to give me their books out of love and respect for me. Once I came home with a book that Zola gave me. The wife was standing in front of the mirror - she was wearing a new dress.- Did you buy a dress? - I asked.“No,” she replied, “your friend gave it to me.”- What friend? - I shouted.- The one who gave you so many books - Charles Dickins.Now it became clear to me why lately we had such bad lunches.