ребятки, нужно, чтобы кто-нибудь проверил моё эссе! очень нужна хорошая оценка. прошу, кто что увидит, исправьте ошибки Т_Т в основном у меня бывает много грамматических

 

тема эссе: some people say that men withstand age better then women and remain attractive longer.

 

собственно моё эссе: How attractive a person is goes beyond physical qualities. A lot of factors contribute to how attractive someone is: health, wealth, food, willpower, society, personality and so on. Some people assert, that men withstand age better and remain attractive longer. But is it right statement?

On the one hand women age faster, becouse today they spend more time at work, so they don't have enough time for themselves. Moreover, women more emotional, than man. It certainly makes them unattractive. Therefore,a lot of makeup have bad effect on appearance.

On the other hand, among men there are a lot of smokers and drinkers. As far as I know, bad habits affect on the health and appearance. Futhermore, women, when they are under stress, they ask for help friends or someone from family. This is better way of coping with stress. However, man keep everything in themselves. As a result, appears old, unhealthy appearance. Moreover, there genes played important role.

In my opinion, I agree with this statment. Really, women more emotional and sensetive, then man. Usually man have more willpower and stamina in our crazy world. It help them withstand age better and remain attracrive longer. So, talking all these factors into account, my conclusion is that women get old really quickly, than man. But women live longer.

How attractive a person is goes beyond physical qualities. A lot of factors contribute to how attractive someone is: health, wealth, food, willpower, society, personality and so on. Some people assert, that men withstand age better and remain attractive longer. But is it right statement?On the one hand women age faster, becAuse today they spend more time at work, so they don't have enough time for themselves. Moreover, women more emotional, than man. It certainly makes them unattractive. Therefore,a lot of makeup have bad effect on appearance.On the other hand, among men there are a lot of smokers and drinkers. As far as I know, bad habits affect on the health and appearance. FuRthermore, women, when they are under stress, they ask for help friends or someone from family. This is better way of coping with stress. However, man keep everything in themselves. As a result, appears old, unhealthy appearance. Moreover, there genes played important role.In my opinion, I agree with this statment. Really, women more emotional and sensItive, then man. Usually man have more willpower and stamina in our crazy world. It help them withstand age better and remain attracTive longer. So, talking all these factors into account, my conclusion is that women get old really quickly, than man. But women live longer.

How attractive is  a person who  goes beyond physical qualities. A lot of factors contribute to how attractive someone  these are: health, wealth, food, willpower, society, personality and so on. Some people assert, that men withstand age better and remain attractive longer. But is it a  right statement?

On the one hand women age faster, because they spend more time at work today, so they don't have enough time for themselves. Moreover, women  are more emotional, than men. It certainly makes them unattractive. Therefore,a lot of makeup have bad effect on appearance.

On the other hand, among men there are a lot of smokers and drinkers. As far as I know, bad habits affect on the health and appearance. Futhermore, women, when they are under stress, they ask for their friends* help  or someone from the family. This is  a better way of coping with stress. However, men keep everything in themselves. As a result, an  old, unhealthy appearance appears. Moreover, their genes play an  important role.

In my opinion, I agree with this statment. Really, women are  more emotional and sensetive, than men are. Usually men have more willpower and stamila in our crazy world. It helps them to  withstand age better and remain an  attracrive  person longer. So, talking all these factors into account, my conclusion is that women get old really  more quickly, than men. But women live longer.